Myth 1: If it was that bad, she’d leave.

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Reality: Women stay in abusive relationships for many different reasons, and it can be very difficult for a woman to leave an abusive partner – even if she wants to. Like any other relationship, one that ends in abuse began with falling in love and being in love. Abuse rarely starts at the beginning of a relationship, but when it is established and often harder to leave.

A woman may still be in love with her partner and believe him when he says he is sorry and it won’t happen again; she may be frightened for her life or for the safety of her children if she leaves; she may have nowhere to go; she may have no financial independence. Abusers often isolate their partners from family and friends in order to control them, making it even more difficult for an abused woman to exit the relationship.

Women in abusive relationships need support and understanding – not judgement.

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Myth 2: Domestic abuse always involves physical violence.

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Reality: Domestic abuse does not always include physical violence. Led By Dreams  defines domestic abuse as an incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and violent behaviour, including sexual violence, by a partner or ex-partner. These incidents can include coercive control; psychological and/or emotional abuse; physical abuse; sexual abuse; financial abuse; harassment; stalking; and/or online or digital abuse.

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Myth 3: Alcohol and drugs make men more violent.

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Reality: Alcohol and drugs can make existing abuse worse, or be a catalyst for an attack, but they do not cause domestic abuse. Many people use alcohol or drugs and do not abuse their partner, so it should never be used to excuse violent or controlling behaviour. The perpetrator alone is responsible for his actions.

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Myth 4: He can be a good father even if he abuses his partner – the parents’ relationship doesn’t have to affect the children.

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Reality:  The effects are traumatic and long-lasting. When a child witnesses domestic abuse, this is child abuse.  children are also direct victims of the abuse which is happening at home.

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​Myth 5: She provoked him.

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Reality: This myth is widespread and deep-rooted. It is often based on the belief that the man is the head of the family, and that his role is to punish his partner or children if they act in a way he doesn’t approve of.

The myth is dangerous because any reference to ‘provocation’ means that we are blaming the woman and relieving the abuser of responsibility for his actions. Abuse or violence of any kind is never the victim’s fault. Responsibility always lies with the perpetrator and with him alone.

If someone confides in you that they are experiencing domestic abuse there are some simple things you can do to support them. However, if the person you are worried about has not directly disclosed the abuse to you, it can be more difficult to support them but it’s good to understand how you can be there for them.

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Myth 6: Domestic abuse is a private family matter, and not a social issue.

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Reality: Violence and abuse against women and children incur high costs for society: hospital treatment, medication, court proceedings, lawyers’ fees, imprisonment – not to mention the psychological and physical impact on those who experience it.

All too often, when women disclose their abuse, no one listens to them, and no one asks them what they would like to happen next. That’s why Women’s Aid developed Change that Lasts. It places the survivor at the heart and builds responses around her needs and the strengths and resources available to her.

Domestic abuse happens every single day all over the world, and affects women of all ages, classes and backgrounds. It is a serious, widespread crime. Despite this, Led By Dreams and other organisations like us are still campaigning to ensure that survivors’ voices are heard. When we describe domestic abuse as a ‘private family matter’, we minimise, condone and permit it.

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​​Myth 7: Women often lie about abuse.

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Reality: This myth is extremely damaging because the fear of being called a liar can and does deter women from reporting the abuse they have experienced.

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Myth 8: Men who abuse women are mentally unwell.

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Reality: There is no research that supports this myth. Abuse and violence are a choice, and there is no excuse for them. Domestic abuse happens throughout every level of society, regardless of health, wealth or status. 

 

Myth 9: Women are attracted to abusive men.

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Reality: Domestic abuse is prevalent throughout society, and it is not uncommon for a woman to experience abuse in more than one relationship. To suggest that some women are particularly attracted to abusive men is victim-blaming. A perpetrator of domestic abuse can be charming and charismatic when he first meets a new partner, and often no one, let alone the woman he has just met, would suspect he would ever be abusive in a relationship.

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Myth 10 Men who abuse their partners saw their fathers abuse their mothers.

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​Reality: Domestic abuse is prevalent throughout society, and because of this many people have grown up witnessing domestic abuse. Most of these people will never perpetrate domestic abuse in their own relationships, so it is never an excuse – and some of our most passionate supporters are child survivors of domestic abuse.

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Myth 12: Domestic abuse isn’t that common.

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Reality: We know through our work with survivors and local services that domestic abuse is very common.

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​Myth 13: All couples argue – it’s not domestic abuse, it’s just a normal relationship.

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Reality: Abuse and disagreement are not the same thing. Different opinions are normal and completely acceptable in healthy relationships. Abuse is not a disagreement – it is the use of physical, sexual, emotional or psychological violence or threats in order to govern and control another person’s thinking, opinions, emotions and behaviour.  

When abuse is involved, there is no discussion between equals. There is fear of saying or doing the ‘wrong’ thing. 

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Myth 14: Women are more likely to be attacked by strangers than by those who claim to love them.

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Reality:  In fact, the opposite is true. Women are far more likely to be assaulted, raped and murdered by men known to them than by strangers.

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Myth 15: Domestic abuse is the result of just ‘bad people’.

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Reality:Findings indicate that those with a belief that the root cause of domestic abuse is in the individual rather than societal inequality are less likely to see the harm caused by abusive behaviours or understand it as a pattern of behaviour